Sexual Abuse White Collar

I was so overtaken by my own experiences and personal encounters with clients and friends; I wanted to speak to these outrageous,  and egregious behaviors of preachers, politicians, teachers and others who hold high powered positions.

If this sounds a bit emotional; well it is!  When I see support go out for people who have violated; pushes my buttons in a major way. Maybe you stay cool when you hear a man who has served in office for years or a pastor/priest violating the office through seduction and betrayal; but not I! If Jesus could go through the temple with a scourging cord; I wonder what He thinks about such acts of violence?

How many of us have either been or have known someone who is a victim of sexual abuse? The majority I would say are women and children.

Sadly, there is still a “shame and guilt complex” on the side of the victim when exposing such secrets. Children are threatened with acts of harm toward themselves and/or family members if they tell. Women are threatened with a loss of job or position.

In recent years there has been more and more women and men who are coming forth with their stories of being victimized by these predators.

A predator is anyone who violates the person of another. It does not exempt preachers or politicians. Because these individuals are in such powerful positions; we have a right to hold them to a higher standard. This is one of those sensitive areas for me.

I have been a pastor, an elementary school counselor, an elementary school teacher, a special education liaison, a mobile therapist and behavior specialist; I think I have an opinion here.

When most people hear the words “Sexual Abuse,” they tend to run and hide. The openly discuss such things seem to be taboo in most cultures. We must change that, and change that now. Children are told to keep it secret; thereby creating a plethora of psychological and emotional issues. Issues, that they take into the world exploding at a time when no one expected.
Sexual abuse must be exposed and expelled from our society. I think we have a right to expect more from our leaders. They should be held accountable for their acts of violence. When are we going to realize men do not own a woman’s body. Our bodies belong to God, and they should be respected not only by ourselves but those around us.
When the law allows a celebrity to walk away; it sends the message to the world that as long as you have enough money and enough influence you can walk free after committing such a shameful act.
I am venting a bit here, but that is okay. I am fed up with it being okay and we as Christian think we can sit back and let God take over this world. God gave man dominion and Jesus took it back from the thief who stole it. Now we have it back. What are we going to do with it? Leave it to the government to fix?
I think not. I think we need to think about who we vote for. I think we need to pray for who we want in office. I think we need to stand together as human beings realizing that it is okay to disagree on somethings, however, we must all agree to keep our children safe. We must agree that stronger laws are needed to support abused and battered women. Stronger punishment for rapist and child molester should be implemented. I make no apologies for this stand. At least, I am taking one.
What is your stand? What is your opinion? Will you make a difference? Will you stand?

Relationships: Is Someone Displaying Real Empathy When They Rescue Others?

 

While someone can be there for others from time to time, this can also be something that consumes their whole life. It is then not going to matter what is taking place in their life, as they will be only too happy to put it to one side.

Self-Neglect

Due to this, it can be normal for one to ignore their own needs and feelings and to be there for others instead. One can then be in a position where they will rarely achieve anything, or they might able to achieve things when they are not there for others.

But no matter whether one can relate to the former or the latter, they are not going to be able to make as much progress as they could if they focused on their own needs. It is then going to be similar to one focusing on about ten things at once; their energy is going to be scattered.

Approval

Even so, there is going to be no reason for one to come to the conclusion that they have the wrong approach. And the main reason for this is that this kind of behavior is often rewarded in today’s world.

One is likely to surrounded by people who tell them that they are ‘selfless’ human beings and that more people should be like them. The kind of feedback that they receive can then allow them to feel good about themselves.

Superior

Along with this, one could see themselves as being better than people who only think about their own needs. Thus, one can believe that they are morally superior and they can then look down on certain people.

What this can then show is that one believes that there are only two options: either they ignore their needs or they ignore everyone else’s needs. The people who support their behavior can also identify with the same outlook.

Needs

It might then be accurate to say that they believe that there is something wrong with their needs, and this is why they can’t fulfill them in a healthy manner. Through feeling this way, it is to be expected that they will have the tendency to ignore them.

However, even though they view their needs in this way, it doesn’t mean that they realize this. This is something that can take place at a deeper level, and one can then end up reacting to what is taking place just outside of their awareness.

Out of Touch

What is taking place at a deeper level is then going to be what is controlling their behavior, and in order to avoid this pain, one will want to be there for others. The reason for this is that doing so will allow them to regulate how they feel.

In this sense, one is getting something through being there for others, but this is likely to go unnoticed. And not only can one be oblivious to this, so can the people who they are trying to help.

Indirect

Still, it is not just that one only wants to be there for others as a way to avoid feeling bad about their own needs; there is also another factor involved. More importantly, one will hope that this will allow them to get their needs met.

One can believe that if they are there for others, it will mean that these people will be there for them. The trouble is that the people they help are unlikely to be able to read minds, and these people can be caught up with their own needs.

Win-Lose

There can then be the odd moment when one will be able to get their needs met, but this is likely to be the exception as opposed to the rule. Naturally, it can then be common for one to feel angry about what is taking place.

Yet as they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs, there is a greater chance of them hiding how they feel. Or if they don’t hide it, they could end up taking their pain out on someone else; with this being someone they believe they can walk over, for instance.

An Image

What this can do is enable them to protect the image that they have created, and this is not going to be the case if they were to get angry at the people who are only too happy to take from them. But if they were to get angry at them, they could soon feel guilty and ashamed and this may cause them to apologize.

Or if they don’t do this, they could end up doing something for them as a way to deal with how they feel. And when it comes to how people see them, they could say that they have a lot of empathy.

Empathy

This is not going to be much of a surprise, and this comes down to the fact that one is able to be there for others. Therefore, if they couldn’t put themselves in other people shoes, they wouldn’t be reaching out to them.

Instead, they would just be focused on their own needs and overlooking other people needs. It could then be said that it is clear that they have empathy, and they could also be seen as having compassion.

A Closer Look

Having said that, it doesn’t mean that the people one tries to rescue are only exposed to this kind of behavior. In fact, they could find that there are times when one behaves in a completely different manner.

If they do what one wants, they could find that they are happy to offer their understanding, but if they are not willing to do this, they could find that one ends up being critical and judgemental. These people could then begin to wonder how they could be warm one moment and cold the next.

An Act

What this can show is that they are not displaying real empathy, and the only reason they have moments when they act this way is to get their needs met. It is then the same as how someone can be nice when they want something and they can end up being rude when they don’t.

The understanding that they show is going to be a way for them to gain other peoples approval. And as people are generally going to respond well to this kind of behavior, it is going to make it easy for them to influence others.

Awareness

When it comes to who they attract into their life, they are typically going to be people who have the same level of emotional development as they do. If one wants to experience life differently, it will be important for them to look into why they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs.

This can be due to how their caregivers responded to their needs, and this may have been a time when their needs were generally ignored. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.

www.drfaye.com

Never Give Up Cave In Or Quit

bible-with-sky-backgroundThe greatest book in the world teaches us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Yet, many of us continue to rely upon our strength to move mountains. And, when mountains are moved we take the glory and the credit as if we had no help.

How many times do we have to hit those same walls, fall into those same old traps and pitfalls before we finally realize we can do nothing without God? He is the source of all life, health and strength.  There is no level of human intelligence that outweighs the cross of calvary.

Far too often I hear business people declare salvation, but in the same breath decide that they cannot speak of HIM in certain settings. I do not understand being embarrassed or bashful when it comes to Jesus and what He did for me.  It is a personal story, that I gladly make public.

I have seen far too many people pass away with only one thing on their mind, and that is “where am I going.” I watched my mom, my sister and others pass into the arms of Jesus with sweet assurance that Jesus would be the next face they would see.

It is for certain that we all will close our eyes here one day, and the most important thing we must know is where we will open them.

That being the said, where will you open your eyes?

curveball-001-480x360I realize life can throw you some “curve balls” that you must walk out. There are times you asked the questions and seem to get no answers. But, this one thing you can be sure of, God heard you in the beginning and He certainly hears you now.

When you feel you have tried everything and feel as though your life is not moving forward, it is now time to press forward with everything within you.  Press into the Word. Keep your Bible open before your face daily and read it aloud to get your mind on God and keep it there.

The other thing I like to tell people is to surround yourself with people who are clear about their course in life.  Amos 3:3 ” How can two walk together except they be agreed.” Find people who you admire, respect and appreciate and hold on to them. Do NOT let them get away! They will be your greatest fans and your honest critics.  They may not always agree with your methods, but they will support your willingness to grow.

Step back from a crisis and take a deep breath. Realize that the last storm you went through passed, and this one will to. Remember that storms do not come to last. they come to pass.

Read books that are geared toward your destiny and keep your eyes on the thing you want the most.  Do not listen to people who tell you “YOU CAN”T” find those who say “YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU!”

I am sure there is much more I can write on this subject, but for now, let’s get you started by realizing you have got to push past your doubts and doubters and move into faith from within to allow God to show you how His Strength, His Wisdom, and His Power will work wonders for the man or woman who will dare believe.

Credit: Dr. Faye (DrFaye) Wilson, Author, Speaker,Radio and Television Talk Show Host.

www.drfaye.com

 

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